Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize