the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I didn't notice because vodka
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
