im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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