I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
How does it feel to date your dad?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
