I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
