When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
