Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
