It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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