Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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