i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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