Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
