And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
