oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
