You're earring is so big in my mouth
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
