Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
