So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
