haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
