i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
