look no pants
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
