This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
