Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
