When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
