and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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