And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
