The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
