how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
