Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
