After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
