Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
