I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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