I only kidnapped one of them. chill
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
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