im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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