shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
