my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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