I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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