Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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