Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
