apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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