I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
