If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
