i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize