I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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