Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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