By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
