She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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