i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I love having hate sex.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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