Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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