I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
