Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
