when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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