I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
