OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
