drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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