I wanna bring you to show and tell
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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