It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
