did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
