Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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