Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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