I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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