Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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