That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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