He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
