Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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