Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
