I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
