So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
