Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
