There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
