Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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