If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
