Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
