I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
