Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
