just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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